And here I rest, where disappointment and regret, collide...

For Donnie Darko fans...

2007-04-17T05:44:24Z

So I just downloaded the "Donnie Darko" double disk soundtrack and score. It's amazing, really. Then I went on the website www.donniedarkofilm.com for about an hour until I was a little too fearful to continue. I did, however, proceed to learn all I could about the Philosophy of Time Travel, The Manipulated Dead and Living, and anything else I could discover about "Donnie Darko". On the Cellar Door website you can read Roberta Sparrow's book. It's not very long and missing chapters but it's a fascinating concept even if it is fictitious. I now feel like I have a much better understanding of the movie at least. And this pointless research really has answered many questions I had after I watched the film.

I have absolutely no idea why I just spent the last hour researching "Donnie Darko" but now I feel a little nervous but fascinated.

I wish i could download this song.

2007-02-25T19:54:10Z

http://deadplay.xhschool.com/archives/2006/96317.shtml

This song is "Brightside" by Turn Off The Stars. Im pretty sure it was in Beauty and the Geek but it's such a pretty song and i can't find it for downloading on limewire or online so here's a site where it's posted. Super sad. If any of you have it send it to me please?

Blargh.

2007-02-20T10:11:21Z

This weekend was too fucking emotional on too many different levels. im worn out but still up. making sense? nope.
Screw this Elliot Smith song for fitting the situation too well. 08 Twilight.mp3 --Elliot Smith
"Beauty and the Geek" marathon was on mtv so i watched like 5 episodes cuz id never seen the show before. it was actually a terrible show that was so addicting that i kind of really really enjoyed it. I'd marry Nate in a second if possible.
Last week was actually great even though i thought it'd kill me.
I wishing to god or some powerful being to strike me with any sort of plague imaginable because anything sounds better than dealing with school tomorrow. I just dont want to handle anything right now. I just cant.
On a bit of an up note, hung with Pam and Rob a bit on Friday in their new apartment. It's nice to see a friend of mine being all independant and such. Made me happy.
Screw it, I'm going to sleep.

Songs of the week.

2007-02-10T03:13:11Z

I've decided that in order to better share my music, I'm gonna post 2 or so songs once a week in this journal for your listening pleasure. They're not my favorite songs but they will be whatever song or songs i'm remotely in to that week. This week I have:

The Vincent Black Shadow - Metro.mp3 -- Randomly saw this video, really creeped out but the song is so catchy. Downloaded a few other songs by them and their kind of Evanescence-y or kind of like Tsunami Bomb. It's fun though.

02 - The Fratellis - Flathead.mp3 -- Yes, this the song from the new ipod commercial. The Fratellis are from Glasgow, I don't think they're that famous although they have a few EPs out. Another catchy tune.

01 Les Choristes - générique.mp3 -- From the movie Les Choriste, The Chorus. About bad french school boys inspired and changed by a music instructor. Its not as corny as it sounds and the music was great. This came out a while but I kept forgetting to download it. So good.

And that's all for this terrible week. I'm glad its over. Hopefully I'll get well physically and mentally soon. Enjoy!

A little pleasant suprise...

2007-01-27T18:36:08Z

Congratulations! On behalf of California State University, Northridge, I am pleased to offer you admission to the University for the fall 2007 Semester.

My first college acceptance letter!

Eh.

2007-01-26T07:37:17Z

Firstly, "Sea Legs" is probably my favorite song off the new Shins album. It's very different than most of their other songs. The album is alright but it'll probably grow on my more in a bit.

Secondly, the last 7 days have been weird. Like they've been just a never-ending day that is making me feel strangely and mildly upset. It's a bit inexplicable. At least I think i did mildly alright on my presentations.

Beautiful.

2007-01-06T07:55:52Z

This break has been pretty amazing. Life is beautiful to me. I finally turned 18 which was actually a strange, but sad realization for me. I feel a little older, a little more hopeful for the upcoming year. 2007 may be amazing. I can see a strange glimmer of what this year holds. Prom. Graduation. College. I've been fearing the thought of leaving everything I know simultaneously aching to leave. It's a weird, surreal, mixed emotion. But now I seem to feel like I can almost embrace it. I do wish the break were a bit longer, I really haven't gotten enough sleep to last me. But I'm nearly done with all of my applications which is a little exciting and also making me a little anxious to figure out where I'll end up. Just some random thoughts. Meanwhile, how about that starting on break homework? Hm. Perhaps tomorrow. My mom has been treating me a little differently ever since my birthday. She's being less controlling, less worried, even a little more trusting. It's nice. I look back at 2006 and am a little bewhildered by everything that happened. It truly was a...crazy year. I can't even begin to delve in to it. Although my birthday held a few tinges of drama, it actually turned out nicely. Meanwhile, became obsessed with Marx Brothers again (Harpo is my love), and had a nice Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers with Becks (oh man, Fred Astaire, SO amazing). I think I'm off to bed. Hope you're all feeling wonderful.

And as this dark romance grows...for the starlight is so far away."

2006-12-20T15:47:57Z

I had a series of dreamish-nightmares in which i worried constantly about Carton's paper and he was angry with me and I was upset. Basically, this paper has consumed my life to the point of every dream i have now is about it. wow. that's frightening.

Also, in one of the dreams, Carton took us to some sort of Montecarlo pool as a reward for finishing the paper and I only remember me narrating a story of the event and that Ari Rokeach was in a speedo as red as ever. EW.

Rufus Wainwright's "Hallelujah" playing on repeat actually helped me write a bit. Beautiful.

"Here it comes at last, and my heart beats faster than sane, faster than the train, in my mind"

2006-12-19T05:05:40Z

On the twelfth day of Christmas, im_a_jellybean sent to me...

Twelve records socializing

Eleven sharpies writing

Ten colors a-dancing

Nine bands breathing

Eight stripes a-reading

Seven cds a-talking

Six movies a-humming

Five cha-a-a-arcoal pencils

Four stella artois

Three emo lyrics

Two nose goes

...and a life in a death cab for cutie.

HAHA yay. blah, got most x-mas/hannakuh shopping done today. God why is the holiday season SO FRIGGIN' EXPENSIVE? Gar. Had a....kinda weird day. Kinda up and down. Or more so was a little low a lot of the time. oh well. only 3 days left this week. so it's kinda like today is tuesday. although if that were so i'd be excited because i could watch House (even if it is a re-run). lol. Most amazing show on the planet. my favoritest thing ever. i got some click-it sharpies today though. they're AMAZING. love them so. should be writing this paper though. ahhh distractions. Don't you hate it when certain guys act like teenage girls saying things like, "I dunno how I'm feeling...". Gr gr gr gr so frustrating.

"..music is made for love..."

2006-12-14T06:22:53Z

Found out last week that when Nightmare Before Christmas 3-D came out, they re-released the soundtrack with a secondary disk. I think these were the two better ones for your downloading pleasure.

Fiona Apple - Sally's Song.mp3 Fiona Apple's cover of "Sally's Song"

Marilyn Manson - This Is Halloween.mp3 -- Marilyn Manson's cover of "This Is Halloween"

Fall Out Boy - What's This.mp3 I don't like Fall Out Boy but the vocals are pretty entertaining

I actually really like the Fiona Apple cover so much. It's sorrowful.

im_a_jellybean @ 2006-10-25T00:00:00

2006-10-25T07:09:18Z

I was in such a strange mood earlier, i harry potterized myself. or tried. i am a loser :) also i got a trim of a haircut and did senior portraits. good lord i am so unphotogenic its ridiculous. meh, been so moody lately. probably because the season feels like its changing or something weird like that. Anhyhow, should be getting to bed. need to get up early. need the weekend to come pronto, im so exhausted already.

Because she's the one that makes it feel like home

2006-10-16T03:01:07Z

Trying to get over this friggin' flu. the tea my mom made actually sorta helped. mmm, sleepy time tea. pretty comforting :D
For some reason (lord knows), I'm kind of totally in love with this emo-indie band The Scene Aesthetics. This song is amazing and it's actually not a very good song at all but im in love with it. meh, i have my emo love moments i guess lol.
Saw The Science Of Sleep last night. Saw it with Max. I think I loved the movie but there were so many unfinished thoughts and feelings caused by that film. Like....i dunno. Made me think about how i differentiate between reality. and how much i live in my dreams. maybe i have a little too much of a free mind, maybe not enough reality. goodness knows. that's an entire nutshell im not sure if i have the energy to delve in to tonight.
Attempting to read both Leviticus tonight AND finish Catch-22 by tuesday. so ridiculous. so much reading. so not enough sleep has been had this weekend.
took the Lit SAT II yesterday. Fuck the word "Facetious". Some of you may know why lol. Facetious: Not meant to be taken seriously or literally. Kinda like Catch-22 except theres a million truths to it so you CAN take it seriously in some regards.
My Cat Stevens collection and love is expanding :D yay
DEAR WHOEVER CONTROLS MY HEALTH: PLEASE HELP ME GET WELL SOON. NOT BREATHING = UNHAPPINESS
gotta go collect my thoughts. as always, my mind is boiling over again...

Yes the answer lies within, so why not take a look now?

2006-09-26T05:25:53Z

Mr. Carton has reminded me of how amazingly good people can be. He's writing me a letter of reccomendation even this late in the game. His e-mail was so sweet it made me cry. Who wants to help me give him a welcome back to school gift party thing on Wednesday when he returns from being sick? We can give him soup and tissue and other stuff. Might be a terrible idea but I really feel like I owe him, he's helped me tremendously (besides that OCS incident with Sira lol) in all my years at BHS. But basically, *YAY!*

im_a_jellybean @ 2006-09-19T21:53:00

2006-09-20T04:59:25Z

To put it plainly, it really is a mad, mad world. My life....just...craziness. Never mind me, just Janelle. But I have to say this, I'm always going to be the same Janelle regardless of what happens. It's still me, things change, lives change, the world decides to fuck things up, but I'm still the same person. And that's all I have to say for tonight.

Beginning of the year update

2006-09-06T01:31:36Z

Oh god I've gotten like 19 or so hrs of sleep over the last 4 or 5 days. Ug, so exhausted. But today, I woke up feeling less insane. Like, I woke up, and stopped being an idiot and indecisive and all that and I feel a bit better. And Max will call tonight so that's something ridiculously happy to look forward to. That and the fact that Wicked is wonderful. I actually downloaded a really bad recording of the broadway show! It's terribly recorded and randomly goes black sometimes and you can't see THAT well but STILL! I HAVE WICKED! I also downloaded the soundtrack The Last Five Years that Max and Mike told me about. It's amazing. Man, I've decided I need to go to New York during spring break or something and go see a Broadway show. Meanwhile, school's going well. AP enviornmental science is fun. Freya and Ari and Tara are cool to have. And AP stat is one of my favorite classes. Mostly cuz i LOVE Mr. Goldman. He's one of those subtly funny people and Megan thinks I'm totally insane cuz I think the math is kinda fun. Who'd have guessed that? I didn't lol. Econ--BLAH. Mr. Colon sucks. He's not unkind, and I'm not doing badly, I'm just so damn bored in it. Bible as Lit is what I go to school for. Mr. Carton makes me SO happy. Really. Love that class. AP lit is funny cuz Ms. Jones is ridiculous. She has no syllabus, no plan, and kinda doesn't really know how to teach. It's fun though. I'm still SO weirded out by the whole "I'm a senior" thing. The freshman are TINY. And kinda annoying. So many in badminton. Which I'm actually not terrible at. Guess the asianess kicked in. Anyhow, gotta go eat dinner now. Seems this year's turning out great after all.

Oh! I had a terrifying yet hilarious run in with the police last night! Me and Josh were just sitting in his trunk talking (I guess we both talk kinda loudly) and someone phoned that we were suspicious. And the cops had flashlights and everything! It was kinda scary but they were generally nice and just told us to go somewhere else. But god, if our luck had been bad, they would've searched the car or something and it could've been ALL BAD. Woo, at least I've got a good story :D. I like this song....

Please don't make me cry, I'm just like you I know you know, I'm just like you so leave me alone

2006-08-26T22:14:35Z

AP Enviornmental Science -- Kavaler
AP Statistics -- Goldman
Economics -- Colon
Bible Lit -- Carton
AP Lit/ Comp -- Jones
Badminton -- Sommers

im_a_jellybean @ 2006-08-24T01:20:00

2006-08-24T08:26:15Z

Max is home. My life is complete again. I hung with Megs and Becks today and saw The Devil Wears Prada which has to be the most female movie in existance. It made me want to shop which I think I shall do with Megs and Becks after registration on Friday. I don't think I could feel any more content with my life....well actually I could but you know how it goes haha. Tomorrow I shall hang with Jill and Naomi for a bit and then see Max. Question: Should I buy some brown suede boots for $40? My mom thinks I should. Perhaps if she pays for some of it, I'll buy them.

I want to learn how to play accordian. How do I go about doing this? Yay life.

Woo

2006-08-23T01:09:07Z

And the adventure continues!

*Made a day of preparing welcome home gifts for Max

*Little Miss Sunshine soundtrack rules my soul

*Took my grandma to Jamba Juice

*Me, Josh, and Michelle jumped off a pier in to the Marina!

*Told our life story to an understanding waitress at Sam's Log Cabin

*Scones are amazing

*Went to the asian mall (Ranch 99) near my house and had a crazy fun time

*I haven't slept in days but I feel awake and adventurous.

I JUST GOT OUT OF THE TWILIGHT ZONE

2006-08-22T12:58:32Z

Where to begin? The most insane thing that has ever happened to me just finished occuring. The only way to explain it, is I must've gotten sucked in to the Twilight Zone for 8 hours. Like seriously, it was eerie.

Basically, I was supposed to go watch Miyazaki with Michelle and Josh. But Michelle couldn't come. So me and Josh were gonna go bowling, or to Ashkenaz or something. But we kept driving down San Pablo trying to get to the Lake in Oakland. And somehow, we missed it and got so completely and utterly lost. We somehow ended up in Fremont, Hayward, San Lorenzo, Union City, Alameda, a million little towns with no names, and a million billion suburbs. We got SO LOST. Like, we somehow came up with this rule that we would try and take the streets home and not get on the freeway to go to Oakland and we'd find streets to get us there. 8 hours later, we somehow managed to find our way back to San Pablo. I saw the craziest shit in all these random small towns! We started driving at 10 pm, and I got home at 5:30 am. It was like a road trip in to the suburbs of Northern California. Yet somehow, it was still a hilarious and chill trip. I've never felt more like I got lost in to the Twilight Zone. Fucking INSANE. That was just crazy. I cannot even get in to the whole trip now. It was the craziest experience of my life.

It's SO cold!

2006-08-19T18:30:59Z

So I've been working so much over the past 2-3 days. I'm exhausted but I have money so I'm happy. Yesterday I had breakfast at Makris with Josh, SIra, Jess, and Nadine. Yes Nadine--the rug peeing girl lol. She was up from LA so after Josh left the four of us went to San Francisco and shopped a bit. It was super entertaining complete with Nadine mugging a mannequin and stealing its cupcake shirt. Long story, good times. Then I went to work, and I talked to Max for a bit! I miss him. It was a slow night and afterwards Josh came and got me and we saw Little Miss Sunshine at AMC at midnight. I absolutely adored it. It was so clever. Just, I could see the structure and how each character was made to play a certain stereotypical part, but they played it so perfectly. And it was just like a classic hero's journey with a band of unlikely little heroes. And the score or soundtrack was just amazing. I dunno why. It was such strange music and it had all these seperate instrumental parts to it. I loved it greatly and you should all see it. OH we also ate some of those chicken fries from Burger King. Im SO SO SO sorry i really despise fast food but it was the only thing open. But they were super delicious. I hope all the chemicals and poisonous fats dont kill me today. And I have to start figuring out how to get to V's good-bye party. Hope you're all well and such.

im_a_jellybean @ 2006-08-14T23:30:00

2006-08-15T06:37:08Z

One of my fave pictures from Florda. Already put it on myspace but...ENJOY! lol . Also, my wisdom teeth removal went well. I cant swallow or eat much but Im not swelling AT ALL. It's happy. ALSO--what the heck is Lawrence Fishburn (Morpheus from Matrix) doing in Pee-Wee's Playhouse? He plays this super goofy southern cowboy with a long fro! It's crazazy! He also is wearing purple pants! Hope you're all well. And if you wanna hang this week/ are free, comment with your free-ness. I need to indulge myself in Bay Arean people :D

im_a_jellybean @ 2006-08-13T22:35:00

2006-08-14T06:05:11Z

SO--I'm home from Florida. It was...muy interesante. I dunno. Even when my parents are being nice and good to me, I still can't forget how they are at home. It's like, branded in to my mind. My dad's mad at life right now, I'm trying to not let his surliness affect me. Honestly, what I want more than anything is to get on a plane with Josh and fly to Chicago to meet Max, Mike, and Brian. But...I have to stay here and get 3 wisdom teeth and a molar taken out tomorrow morning. Imagine ME, Janelle, NOT TALKING for 24 hours or more. It seems impossible, no? We shall see, I suppose. I miss Max. Just...so much. I haven't seen him in 9 or so days. SADNESS. Hopefully I'll be healed by Wednesday and I can go out and see my friends. I miss them. I was gonna write about my Florida experiences, but I have to go to sleep so I can have my mouth murdered tomorrow. Sucks. At least Jill and Sira are home. That's happy. OH I ALMOST FORGOT! DEATH CAB, SPOON, AND MATES OF STATE WERE AMAZING. JUST BRILLIANT! YAY! I'll probably post again tomorrow since I won't have anything else to do. I'm glad I'm back in the Bay. I missed it.

Woo.

2006-08-03T17:34:33Z

So this week has been tremendously awesome. Sadly enough, I'm leaving for Florida tonight for about 8 days (but i'll be back on the 12th!). Sucks that Max, Mike, and Brian are leaving for their road trip right before I get back. Damn them! But yeah, a few points that made my week lovely:

--Max

--The Hudsucker Proxy being awesome...AGAIN (for all you who don't understand what Im talking about, The Hudsucker Proxy is a Coen Brothers film which is one of my favorite movies)

--Watching The Yellow Submarine...even completely aware, I still would have NO IDEA what the hell was going on in that movie!

--The sort-of going away party last night at Josh's including a cake (well it was an organic peanut butter and jelly with dark chocolate chips). It was super silly.

And with that, I have to meet Katie, Michelle, and Belle downtown in like 36 minutes. Everyone have a good week and I'll see you in 8 days!

p.s. wish me luck with all the naked old sweaty Floridans. Ew.

http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g304/jellymeizer/CASLENOL.jpg WEIRD ASS CAKE

Isn't this a band also? The song I mean--

2006-07-27T05:21:35Z

Erg Max gave me his stupid flu-ish type thing. I haven't been able to keep anything down for like 3 days. And driving in cars....oh god, that has to be the most horrible thing in the world. I'm not in an sad depress-o emo mood but I've been in the mood for Morrissey lately. Also The Smiths. AND, my mom said the some of the most horrible things to me last night, it cannot even be believed. Thank you to Max who was there at the right moment. But she basically apologized. And we made some compromises. But I still don't feel the same. I'm tired and drained and procrastinating from my behaviourism psychology paper. Meep. My life is...interesting, I suppose. But that's not the right terminology. I'm just sort of watching it all go along right now. How strange.

Irrelevant update

2006-07-23T23:29:51Z

Yay this song is amazing. In fact, LIFE IS AMAZING. Just, everything is SO awesome right now. My life is at a sort of equilibrium where everything feels just so good.

So I finally came home last night (I've been staying at my uncle's this week) so it was kind of nice to have the right consistency in my pillow again. You never realize how attached you become to your pillow until you sleep on another one. So anyhow, went to Hometown Buffet with my grandparents, aunt and uncle, my mom, and sister. I didn't eat much though cuz my stomach got all bitchy. It was sad. But on the way home, my grandpa was being all silly and saying that coffee is QUITE healthy for you and that it prevents you from getting cancer, diabetes and various other ailments which I'm pretty damn sure is ridiculously incorrect but it was still funny. And I picked some figs at their house. I got so poetic about the figs. I dunno why. Just I thought they were incredibly beautiful and it made me feel all happy.

Then me and my mom went and got my dad's b-day gift (cuz i TOTALLY forgot it was his birthday until this morning! I suck) and somehow ended up with 3 pairs of shoes for myself and a pair of swim shorts. Well, I had to pay $20 to my mom but she paid at least $65 of it. I dunno why she's being so nice. Maybe she *gasp* missed me while I was gone? Wow that'd be a big twist in the story. Regardless, I have more stuff I technically don't need but I just donated hella clothes and shoes so I guess I don't feel too terrible. Got home, felt bad cuz I got a letter from Jill and I totally haven't written her one. AND it takes 3 weeks to get there. Yes, I'm kind of a terrible person for that.

So anyhow, my weekends been quite lovely. Friday was Brian's graduation (congrats again, whore!), i got all excited cuz I baked him a pie (Chocolate Macadamia Nut :D) and then we got GREEK FOOD. It was massively exciting. I always have such amazingly fun adventures with Max, Brian, Michelle, and Josh. I love those folk. I somehow managed to spend $11 at Nation's last night with the folk and it was weird cuz some dude came and hit on me and Michelle and Josh and Brian like TOTALLY got in front of the dude and acted like they were dating us. Just like, protected us. I know it's not that weird, but it was just like weird and I felt really appreciative of them doing that. I guess I just get freaked out/ awkward when people hit on me. It makes me nervous.

After the Nations weirdness, we ended going down to the Marina at like 1 am and looked at the lights. Random but a very good late night activity. I always enjoy bouts of randomness. It seems that everytime I hang out with people, we intend to do something and end up doing something completely different that doesnt seem that awesome but always turns in to a nice little adventure. The story of my life. I guess I really do live in an 80's teen film. Awesomeness.

Man this was a pointless randomly long ass post. I'm beginning to feel like Michelle. Ew .(haha you know I love you honey). If you guys wanna hang out then call me! I'm free wednesday and on I think (Katie, did we plan for Tuesday?)., Hope life is fine and dandy for all of you as well. Summer has finally arrived (fucking heat). Although I'm going to Florida on August 4th, it may actually be kinda cool. Hm.